CAN YOU TOP THIS
1 FEB 1947
NBC Radio
Emcee: Ward Wilson
Joke teller: Peter Donald
Panel: Senator Ford, Harry Hershfield, Joe Laurie Jr.
(stupidity, suitor, courtesy, fortune teller)
CHARLES STARK: Once again, Palmolive brushless and Palmolive lather, Palmolive, the largest-selling brand of shaving creams in the world presents “Can You Top This?” Starring Senator Ford.
SENATOR FORD: Good evening.
CS: Harry Hershfield.
HARRY HERSHFIELD: Howdy.
CS: And Joe Laurie, Jr.
JOE LAURIE JR: Hellooo.
CS: And now, here’s Palmolive shave cream’s master of ceremonies, Ward Wilson.
WARD WILSON: Good evening, friends. Welcome to “Can You Top This?” our unrehearsed corn roast. Our three wits do not know what jokes have been chosen until the people’s representative, Peter Donald , tells them on the air. Our three gagsters have no scripts. The rely on memory and ability to switch jokes and make them fit the subject. If Peter Donald tells your submitted story, you get ten dollars plus a phonograph record personally autographed by our wits of Peter Donald telling your story on the air. Laughs are registered on the big Palmolive shave meter in full view of the studio audience. Each time our wits fail to top your story, you win an additional five dollars, which means you may win twenty-five dollars. So let’s get on with the laughs. Are you ready, fellows?
JL: Ready.
SF: Yeah.
WW: Alright, here we are. Our first joke of the evening comes from M. Supplant of Boston, Massachusetts, and it’s on the subject -- well, I won’t make any comment about this -- it’s on the subject of stupidity. Stupidity. So, Peter, don’t be backward in coming forward.
PETER DONALD: Well, this happened on a new radio quiz show called “Like it or Lump it” and they got a quizmaster up there and he said, “Well, sir,” he said, “Here’s a smiling, intelligent gentleman stepping up to our microphone.” He says, “Tell me, sir, what is your name?” The contestant said, “Uh, would you mind repeating that question please?” He says, “My dear sir, what is your name? Don’t you even know your name?” “Uh, well, I’m a little preoccupied tonight. See, my sister just had a baby.” He said, “Oh, well isn’t that fine? A boy or a girl?” He says, “Uh, that’s just it. They ain’t told me yet and I don’t know whether I’m an aunt or an uncle. It’s…” Fellow says, “Well, tell me sir,” he says, “What do you do?” He says, “What do I do? Oh, well I used to be an elevator operator, but I quit.” He says, “You quit?” He says, “Yeah, I could never remember the route. It was awful.” Fellow said, “I see. Well, I better give you a very simple question.” He said, “What is the fourth of July?” He said, “Uh, fourth of July. Fourth of July. Uh, that’s what you said isn’t it? The fourth of July?” He says, “Yes, the fourth. What is it?” He said, “The fourth of July… Gee, you better ask me another question on account of I was never very good at fractions.”
WW: You may as well toss that one off, Pete, and lose it fast. Oh, he takes my suggestion too. The Palmolive shave meter gave that one exactly 300 that time, Peter, which allows plenty of latitude for our three wits as they swing into action. Apparently only one’s going to swing. Oh, now two. It’s increasing. Well, let’s see. Mr. Supplant has 300 to top, and Joe Laurie’s going to take the first shot at it.
JL: Yeah. This pet shop. Fellow owns a pet shop. Calls up for a messenger boy to deliver a package. So this goof messenger boy comes in and he says, “Look. Here’s the package, and here’s the address. I’ll write it down for you on a slip of paper. Now don’t lose it now.” So they write the address down. He says, “And deliver this package. So the guy’s walking along humming to himself and he hears a noise in the box. He says, “I wonder what that noise is.” He hears the noise. Something rushing around the box. So he says, “I think I’ll take a look what’s in the box.” So he puts it on the ground, unties the box, opens it up, and out jumps a rabbit. The rabbit starts running down the street, and he runs after it. Finally he says, “Oh, go on! Go on and run! Go on. Go on. You don’t know where you’re going. I got the address in my pocket!”
WW: Well, apparently you knew where you were going with that one, Joe. That was 1000. Top of the Palmolive shave meter that time, topping Mr. Supplant’s 300 and leaving him still with the ten dollars he started out with, and, Senator, I think your hand was raised second.
SF: Well, of all the stupid gags I think this is one of them. It’s an old minstrel gag, Ward, and maybe you and I could do this together. See, I could say to you, “Hello, Ward.” And then you say, “Hello, Ed.” And I say, “Ward, how do you get down off an elephant?” And you say, “Jump down.” And I say, “No” And you say, “Use a ladder and get down.” And I say, “No.” And you say, “Climb down.” And I say, “No. You don’t down off an elephant. You get down off a duck.” Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah. Minstrelsy, see?
WW: Yes. Come to think of it, we could do that one, but let’s not, huh?
SF: Now, well, now that’s not the joke. I thought maybe we’d try it out.
WW: Oh.
SF: Of all the stupid guys I know, Dopey Dildock is the one. Dopey went into the local drugstore and he asked for some soap. Went to buy some soap and the druggist said, “Do you want it scented or unscented?” He said, “I want it unscented. I’m going to take it with me.” Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah.
WW: Let’s go back to the minstrel, eh?
JL: Take the black off.
WW: Well, the facts and figures are…
SF: I know another one.
WW: You do?
SF: Probably just as bad, though.
WW: Let’s try it anyway, huh?
SF: Well, two dopes were talking and one said, “Who’s this guy Tide I always hear about?” “I don’t know nobody by the name of Tide.” He said, “Sure. I go down to the corner yard and I hear them hollering, ‘Hi, Tide!’ ‘’Lo, Tide!’”
JL: You know, that’s like Tommy Gray years ago when Lee Schubert and Marcus Lowe walked down Broadway and Tommy passed them. Says, “Hi, Lee! Hi, Lowe!” Yah yah yah.
WW: Why did we have to stir your memory, Joe? Well, the facts and figures are 250 on the Palmmolive shave meter for that last joke.
SF: Never mind the figures. I got a laugh out of myself. Nobody else did but I did.
WW: Well, congratulations, anyway, Senator. That doesn’t top Mr. Supplant’s 300, however, so he now has fifteen dollars, and whether or not he gets twenty or holds the fifteen is entirely dependent on Harry Hershfield.
HH: On me? There’s a goof comes to work and he brings his lunch with him and he opens it up and he shows a ten-decker sandwich to another employee. Says, “Look at this sandwich.” Says, “The top, you know, is corned beef. Then I got some cheese. And then,” he says, “I got some -- then I got some tongue, and then I got some fish, then I got some tomato. And from the bottom, from the bottom,” he says, “I got tongue again, and then I got some corned beef, then I got some roast beef, and in the middle is that terrible pot cheese. I don’t like pot cheese.” So the guy says, “Well, wait a minute. Just don’t eat that part. The pot cheese.” He said, “Well, it’s already made up. I’ll eat it.” So the next day he comes again with a ten-decker sandwich and he calls the employee again. Says, “See. The same thing. On top I got corned beef. Then I got tongue, then I got fish, then I got fish, then I got tomato. In the bottom it starts with egg, and then again I got fish, and” he says, “Then I got another corned beef. In the middle that terrible pot cheese again.” Then next day he comes again with a ten-decker sandwich. He said, “The same thing again today. The same thing. See the top. Corned beef, then tongue,” he says, “Then fish,” and he says, “Then egg. In the bottom I got tomato and fish and tongue and again in the middle that terrible pot cheese.” Fellow said, “What are you complaining about? The next time, simply tell your wife to leave out the pot cheese.” So he says, “She’s on a vacation. I make these up myself!”
WW: Well, you have nothing to make up there, Harry. That was 1000 on the Palmolive shave meter.
SF: I wish I had some pot cheese in the middle of my gags there.
WW: It’s a good thing that guy didn’t come to work for seven days. That’s the only thing I’m happy about.
JL: You know that was a thirty-decker sandwich?
WW: A big deal, believe me. Well, since only one of our wits failed to top Mr. Supplant’s 300 that time, we send Mr. Supplant fifteen dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, plus a phonograph record -- an actual phonograph record -- of Peter Donald telling his story on the air. And now here’s Charles Stark with the biggest shaving news in history.
CS: Three men out of every four get more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way. Yes, three men out of every four get more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way. This is not just a promise, not just a claim. Palmolive brushless offers you proof, definite proof that three men out of every four tested got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way. 1,297 men tried the new, different Palmolive brushless way to shave and, no matter how they shaved before, 79% found beards easier to cut, 75% got less razor pull, 69% closer shaves, 82% smoother-feeling skin, and three men out of every four got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way. So get Palmolive brushless and try the new Palmolive brushless way to shave. Here’s all you do: wash your face with soap and water, rinse, soap your face thoroughly again and apply Palmolive brushless, smooth it upward into your beard. This way you get the full benefit of Palmolive brushless beard conditioning effect. Then shave. And that’s all. But remember: it’s not just promise, not just a claim. Palmolive brushless offers you proof -- definite proof --oc
WW: And now to continue our contest of wit and humor, here’s a joke which was sent in by Dorsey B. Thomas of Cisco, Texas, and the subject of this joke is “suitor.” Suitor. No cloak-and-suitor, this is just a swain deal I think. So, Peter, I hope you’re married to this joke.
PD: Well, way in the back woods lived an old mountaineer and his very, very beautiful daughter. So one day old Pappy was out in the yard. He’s running the lawnmower over his toes to trim his corns and he’s biding the time of day, and all of a sudden up the trail comes young Zeb Terwillager. So he came up and he said, “Pardon me all to pieces, Mr. McCoy, but I got a question to ask you. So Pappy looked up. He says, “Why, ain’t you the young whelp what’s been a-sparking my pretty daughter Novocaine for two months?” He says, “Yes, sir, that I am.” He said, “Gee, your daughter is pretty.” He says, “Her eyes is just as soft as pretty as a razorback hog’s.” And he says, “I want to hitch up with her.” He says, “You want to marry my daughter, eh?” He says, “Do you love her?” He says, “Do I love her?” He says, “Mr. McCoy, to me that gal is worth her weight in gold.” He says, “Well,” he says, “id that’s the way you feel I think you’re going to have to wait a couple of weeks.” He says, “What for? For you to think it over?” He says, “No. If she’s worth her weight in gold I want to fatten her up a little bit.”
WW: Well, facts are facts, I guess, Pete, and we must face them. 250 on the Palmolive shave meter that time. Pete’s throwing that gag over with the first one. Nice company here.
SF: The gag should have been fattened up a little bit.
WW: It could. It was a little on the lean side, I would say. But you fellows should be very happy about the whole thing. Mr. Thomas has ten dollars and it looks like he’s liable to stay right there if you fellows hit any kind of a peak at all. Who’s throwing this cord in my face here on this microphone? I’m getting cockeyed. Let’s see. We have all three hands up this time.
SF: Well, that’s something we know something about.
WW: Suitors? Okay, let’s see what Harry knows about them.
HH: Well, this is another goof story. A marriage broker arranged for this goof to call on a girl with the prospect of marriage. Now, he said, “She’s a very fine girl. And don’t say anything that shows you don’t know anything or anything. Keep your subjects general. The first impression must be very good.” He says, “You know, talk about food, because anybody can talk about food. And talk about her family, and then a little philosophy at the end.” So he comes there and he meets her and he’s quiet for a long while and finally he says, “Food. Hmm. Do you like fudge?” She said, “No.” So there’s a lapse of about twenty minutes. He says, “Does your sister like fudge?” She says, “I haven’t got any sister.” Then there’s a lapse of about twenty minutes more. He said, “If you had a sister, would she like fudge?”
WW: Shake hands with Peter Donald, Harry! Oh, Pete’s going to dust both of his throwaways off after that one and I can’t blame him either.
HH: Oh, fudge.
WW: Harry, your response should be “Oh, fudge” on that one, believe me. That got…
HH: You don’t have to do it. You don’t have to announce it.
WW: Well, I think I’d better, for Mr. Thomas’ sake. He’ll be happy about it. Got 200 on the Palmolive shave meter that time, so he now has fifteen dollars, whereas just a moment ago he only had ten, and let’s see what the senator’s going to do about it.
SF: Well, here’s a quickie. This doesn’t count, Ward. This is about a different kind of a suit. You know, a lot of big businessmen want to change their underwear. They want to get rid of those portal-to-portal union suits. Well, anyhow, Ditsy Baumwartle and Dopey Dildock were talking, and Ditsy said, “Hey, Dopey. Do you believe in love at first sight?” And Dopey said, “Yeah. It saves a lot of time!” So Ditsy said, “Well, my uncle Pete -- he met a woman and he fell in love with her at first sight and now they’re engaged. It’s what you might call a vegetable romance.” Dopey said, “What do you mean, a vegetable romance?” Ditsy said, “He’s a dead beet and she’s an old tomato.”
WW: Well, that showed definite improvement that time, Senator.
SF: Anything would have been an improvement after what…
WW: 750 on the Palmolive shave meter that time.
SF: I’ll get there before the evening’s over.
WW: Well, that topped Mr. Thomas’ 250, needless to say. He still has his fifteen dollars. And the only missing link in this story -- and I say that reservedly -- is Joe Laurie Jr.
JL: Well, a fellow was keeping company with a girl a long time. Finally they’re together one night. And he says, “Now, listen, honey, look. We’ve been keeping company here for three years.” He says, “Look, I’ve got a god job and you’re working. You’ve got a good job. Let’s get married.” She said, “Oh, we can’t get married.” He says, “Why not?” She says, “My firm -- if they find out that I’m married,” she says, “they’ll just sack me. They’ll just discharge me. You know that’s a very definite thing with our firm. They discharge.” He says, “Well, we’ll get married and we’ll keep it a secret. We won’t tell anybody about it.” She says, “Yeah, but supposing we have a baby?” He says, “Oh! We’ll tell the baby!”
WW: You just slid slightly under the senator that time, Joe. You had 700 on the Palmolive shave meter, which was enough to top Mr. Thomas’ 250.
SF: Seven. That’s a natural.
WW: Yes it is. I don’t know why he didn’t get an eleven. But since only one of our wits failed to top Mr. Thomas’ 250, we send Mr. Thomas fifteen dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, and just to make him feel a little happier, let’s send him a copy of the “Can You Top This?” joke book written by our three wits and now on sale wherever books are sold, and in addition, we’re sending Mr. Thomas an actual phonograph record of Peter Donald telling his story on the air. Well, let’s get a fresh start, and here’s a joke which was sent in by Eugene Reilly of Buffalo, New York, and this is on the subject of something I know you’re all deeply steeped in, courtesy. Courtesy. So, Peter, if you please?
PD: Well, Mike Muldoon came over to this country from Ireland. He got a job in the police department. Well, studied very hard to be a good cop and he read all the books and he was an exemplary character, and finally he got put out on the beat. And his first day, and he’s so proud of his uniform and he’s walking up and down Times Square here. He says, “Now I’ve got to remember to be nice and courteous to all the visitors and answer all the questions.” He says, “I better be sure I know the answers. Now, let me see. The right side of the street is for the traffic going that way. The left side is for the traffic coming this way. The white line in the middle -- that’s for bicycles. Alright. Now I got it all straight. Alright.” So he stands there and pretty soon a fellow comes up. He says, “Officer, can you help me?” He said, “Me dear sir, I would be delighted.” He says, “Well, officer, I’m a stranger in town. I’m lost. I don’t know which way I’m going. Which way is north?” He said “North? That’s… North is, er..” He says, “You said north?” He says, “Yeah, north.” He said, “Look, buddy. We got uptown, we got downtown, we got crosstown. Now you have to come along and make it tough for me by asking for north!”
WW: Well, it seems to be a little tough for you tonight, Pete. That was exactly 500 on the Palmolive shave meter that time for Mr. Riley. So he starts off with ten dollars. I don’t know just where he’s going to wind up. Two hands are upraised. They’re all anxious to get in tonight with these low scores that Pete’s been banging with.
HH: I got under one of them.
WW: Well, Harry, suppose we elect you to try again.
HH: This is during the war, and a new GI is in this camp, and a general passes, and he’s complaining, and he says to another GI, “Geez, lookit, that’s the trouble with the world. The world forgets so easy. Think of a guy like that doing that, the general.” Guy said, “What happened?” He said, “You know, last night I was for the first time on sentry duty, and he came along, this general, and I said, ‘Who goes there?’ And he said, ‘Friend.’ Now he goes by like he don’t even know me!”
WW: Well, 950, you’ll be happy to hear, Harry, on the Palmolive shave meter that time, which was a little over Mr. Riley’s 500. Therefore, he still retains his original ten dollars and, Joe, I think your hand was raised second.
JL: Dmitri Savova the Russian takes his wife into a restaurant, and the order, he says, “I want a steak for two.” So after a few minutes or so the steak comes on a big plate for two. He takes the knife and fork and starts carving it. He cuts a little bit, about a quarter of the steak and gives it to his wife, and he takes the three-quarters for himself. And she looks at him. She looks at her portion, then looks at his. She says, “Dmitri,” she says, “What?” She says, “You show me no courtesy.” He says, “What do you mean, courtesy?” She says, “If I was putting out the steak, if I was cutting the steak, if I was serving the steak, I would give myself the small piece and you the big piece.” He says, “What are you cheeking about? You got the little piece, ain’t you?”
WW: Well, you didn’t get too large a piece of the Palmolive shave meter that time, Joe. 750, to be exact, but it was good enough to top Mr. Riley’s 500. So that same ten dollars is dogging him consistently along the line and, Senator, how about you?
SF: Well, there’s a very old gag that I can tell about courtesy. Teacher said to a little boy, she said, “Tommy, what did Sir Walter Raleigh say to Queen Elizabeth?” He said, “Well, Sir Walter Raleigh put out his coat, and he said, ‘Step on it, kid.’” You know, I was wondering, since, Sir Walter Raleigh established chivalry by putting his cloak down and letting the queen walk on it, what she would have done if she’s been out with Mahatma Gandhi. Well, anyway, there was a… This is the gag now.
WW: This is it, right?
SF: This is it. Let me see now. I forgot it, now that I was… I had one there for a minute.
WW: We’re still on courtesy.
SF: Well, a dopey farmer kid was up on the farm and a summer boarder said to him, “You know, that was a very nice thing you did this afternoon when you opened the barn door to let your aunt in.” He said, “Aw, shucks. That’s nothing. I do that for the cows every night.”
WW: I’m glad that was it, Senator. That was 600 on the Palmolive shave meter that time, topping by just 100…
SF: What happened to that thousand on this meter?
WW: I don’t know. I think that’s out for the evening. However, we’ll find out a little later, I hope. Gee whiz, all of you three wits topped Mr. Riley’s 500 that time, so here’s the bad tidings for Mr. Riley: we send him ten dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, plus a copy of the new “Can You Top This?” joke book written by our three wits and now on sale wherever books are sold, and if he would care for it, in addition, we’re sending Mr. Riley an actual phonograph record of Peter Donald telling his story on the air. And now here’s proof of new shaving comfort.
CS: Not just a promise, not just a claim. Palmolive brushless offers you proof, definite proof that three men out of every four tested got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way. Yes, 1,297 men tried the new, different Palmolive brushless way to shave, and, no matter how they shaved before, three men out of every four reported beards easier to cut, smoother-feeling skin, less razor pull, and more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. So you be the judge. Get Palmolive brushless and try the new, different Palmolive brushless way to shave yourself. Remember it’s not just a promise, not just a claim. Palmolive brushless offers you proof, definite proof that three men out of every four get more comfortable, actually smoother shaves the Palmolive brushless way.
WW: Well, our next joke comes from Jack Norworth of Laguna Beach, California, and the subject of this round is “fortune teller.” Fortune teller. So, Pete…
JL: Is that the Jack Norworth that wrote “Shine On, Harvest Moon?”
SF: And “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.” “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” too.
WW: And “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” too, I believe. There’s only one Jack Norworth that I know of.
JL: Hi, Jack!
WW: I hope he’s in the jack. Pete, we hope you don’t need any good fortune with this one.
PD: You know, I predict that next week in Buffalo, Boston, and Cisco, Texas three hock shops will have an actual recording of Peter Donald telling a story! Oh, dear. Anyway, this is about a very, very ritzy lady. Very, very swanky. And she decided to have afternoon tea, so she saw a place called Princess Zuzu’s Gypsy Tearoom. So there’s a big sign on the front. It says, “Have your future told by the gypsy princess.” Well, that was fine, so she went in, and she ordered tea and waffles, and then after the meal was over, she sent for Princess Zuzu. And out came a dark woman with earrings in her ears and a turban on her head on which was inscribed the mystic inscription “Statler Hotel”right across the front. So the customer said, “Oh, are you the gypsy princess?” The princess says, “So what do I look like? Shirley Temple? Certainly I’m Princess Zuzu.” Says, “I’m the queen of the ipsy-pipsy gypsies. That’s me.” She says, “Well,” she says, “princess your tea was very nice but your waffle was rather tough.” She says, “My waffle was tough.” She says, “Listen honey. Maybe the waffle wouldn’t be so tough if you first lifted up the veil from your face when you eat.” She says, “Now, you want I shall tell your fortune from the leaves in the tea or the lumps in the cocoa or from the crystal ball?” She says, ‘Well, I should like the crystal ball.” She says, “Well, then now be quiet. Silence.” She says, “I gaze into the crystal. Abracadabra. Marshallaparkway. Open the door, Dunninger.” She says, “Now, let me look in the crystal ball and see your future.” So the customer said, “Just a moment. I think you’rea a fraud. Look at that crystal. It has three holes in it.” She says, “So the crystal ball’s got three holes in it? So what? On Wednesday nights I like to go bowling.”
WW: Well, you finally found the key to success, Peter. 1000. The top of the Palmolive shave meter that time, automatically giving Mr. Norworth twenty-five dollars. Probably more money than he’s had in years now. And let’s see. Oh, you three fellows can’t do anything about taking this away from him.
SF: Well, that’s why I was willing to go in first. Can’t do anything about it anyhow.
WW: You seem to have plenty of competition. Everybody’s hands are up on this one. So how about you, Senator? We’ll start with you.
SF: Well, Mrs. Gook went to a fortune teller, and she said, “What is it a sign of when a black cat follows you home?” And the fortune teller said, “That’s a sign you’re going to have kittens all over the house.” So she said, “I will now look into my crystal eight ball. I see that I see Venus. That means you are going to fall in love. I see Mars. That means you are going to have a fight. I see you dunk doughnuts. That means that you were born under the sign of the great dipper. And now I see that a blonde is chasing your husband. And I see also that she’s going to get him.” Mrs. Gook said, “She’ll have to go some. I buried him three years ago.”
WW: And you found the secret too, Senator. 1000. Top of the Palmolive shave meter, that time, tying Mr. Norworth.
SF: I knew if this thing lasted long enough I’d get up there.
WW: Well, Joe, I think you were second.
JL: Wel, this is about a woman. A big, big fat woman gets on one of those fortune-telling weighing machines. She gets on there and she puts in the penny and she waits and the little card comes out. It says, “You weight 300 pounds. You are very stout.” She says, “Oh, something’s wrong with this.” So she said, “I’ll try again.” So she puts another penny in. Comes out the card. Says, “You weigh 300 pounds. You are very stout.” So she hits the machine a little bit. She says, “Oh, something must be wrong. I’ll try it once again.” So she puts in another penny, and out comes a card. It says, “Listen, beef trust. I won’t lie for a lousy penny!”
WW: Well, I won’t lie either, Joe. 1000. Top of the Palmolive shave meter that time once again, giving us a perfect round thus far, and, Harry, it’s up to you.
HH:Yeah, I thought of a couple. I want to throw in a preface. A quick preface. A fellow goes to a Russian fortune teller. The fortune teller looks in the glass ball, the crystal ball, and says, “You are going on a trip. You are going to Pasbull.” Fellow says, “Pasbull? Where’s Pasbull?” He said, “Near Moscow.”
WW: Harry…
HH: That’s only preface.
WW: Well, I don’t think, as a matter of fact, Harry, we’re going to have time for the joke after that. We’ll go along with the preface and call that the gag because you can’t go anyplace anyway.
JL: Call that the gag.
WW: So, well, let’s save the gag for next week because none of you three have topped Mr. Norworth’s 1000 so we sent Mr. Norworth twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams plus a 1000 Club certificate, and in addition we’re sending Mr. Norworth an actual phonograph record of Peter Donald telling his story on the air, and a piece of cut plug to go with it! At this point, Dan Donaldson has good shaving news for brush and lather fans.
DAN DONALDSON: Men, if you use a brush when you shave, and like oceans of rich, think, moisture-soaked lather, try the new, different Palmolive lather way to shave. 1,251 men prove the new Palmolive lather way brings smoother, more comfortable shaves to three men out of every four. So get Palmolive lather and see how the new Palmolive lather way makes beards easier to cut, gives less razor pull, close shaves, smoother-feeling skin. Here’s all you do. Wash your face with soap and water, rinse, soap your face thoroughly again, do not rinse, brush Palmolive lather upward into beard to get the full benefit of Palmolive lather’ beard conditioning effect. Then shave. And that’s all. But remember the new, different Palmolive lather way to shave has been proved. Proved to give smoother, more comfortable shaves that three men out of every four tested.
WW: Well, friends, the time’s wasted now, so join “Can You Top This?” again next week. Same time, same gang, other jokes, some new, some old. Until then we remain yours for bigger and better laughs:
SF: Senator Ford.
HH: Harry Hershfield.
JL: Joe Laurie Jr.
PD: Peter Donald.
WW: Ward Wilson
CS: And Charles Stark saying goodnight for Palmolive brushless and Palmolive lather. Palmolive, the largest-selling brand of shave creams in the world. Today, dealers are paying higher prices than ever before for used cooking fats and oils. Save them. Turn them in for cash. Remember, industry needs these fats and oils urgently to help produce soap, automobiles, refrigerators -- all the things you want and need. Remember this too: the shortage of fats and oils is a worldwide problem, so keep right on saving cooking fats and oils. Stay tuned in for The Judy Canova Show, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.