CAN YOU TOP THIS?

23 APRIL 1948

NBC Radio

Emcee: Dennis James

Joke teller: Peter Donald

Panel: Ward Wilson, Harry Hershfield, Joe Laurie Jr.

(arrest, jealousy, boasting, argument)

ANNOUNCER: “Can You Top This?” presented by the Colgate-Palmolive Peet company , the makers of Colgate Dental Cream, to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and Palmolive shave creams, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave. And here’s Colgate-Palmolive Peet company’s master of ceremonies, Dennis James.

DENNIS JAMES: Good evening, friends. Welcome to “Can You Top This?” our unrehearsed laugh circus, with Ward Wilson pinch hitting for Senator Ford.

WARD WILSON: Good evening.

DJ: Harry Hershfield.

HARRY HERSHFIELD: Howdy!

DJ: Joe Laurie Jr.

JOE LAURIE JR: Hellooo.

DJ: And here’s the people’s representative, our storytelling genius, Peter Donald, to tell the first joke of the evening, which comes from Wesley Bankston, of Humboldt, Tennessee, and it’s on the subject of arrest. You ready, Pete?

HH: A rest?

DJ: Take it. Arrest. Jail. Take ‘em in, Harry. Jail.

JL: Not vacation. Arrest.

DJ: Go ahead, Peter.

PETER DONALD: Well, it seems that a policeman arrested a fellow, hailed him into court, and there he was standing before the magistrate, and, oh, this was a tough magistrate. This was a touch judge. A hard-bitten guy. Very callous. Very, very callous. Well, ten years on the bench. What can you expect? Very, very tough man. So he looked at the prisoner and he said, “Alright,” he said, “what are the charges?” So the officer says, “Your Honor,” he says, “it’s four A.M. in the morning and I was walking in my beat when I looked down the street and I seen this here character walking along with nothing on him but this barrel he’s wearing.” So the magistrate looked at the prisoner. He said, “Do you mean to tell the court you were walking along the street with just a barrel on you?” He said, “Yes, Your Honor. I guess that’s true. I was walking along the street wearing just this barrel and believe me it got pretty drafty, between 18^th and 19^th on Chestnut Street, and the officer arrested me.” Magistrate said, “This is disgraceful! How did you lose your clothes? Are you a poker player?” He says, “Oh, no, sir.” He said, “What? You’re not a poker player?” He says, “No, sir, but I spent last night with some fellows who were poker players!”

DJ: Well, the ante went right up there, Pete. The Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter had a big 1000 on it, so you took the first pot . We’re sending twenty-five dollars to Mr. Bankston, but our three wits will just have to try to tie it. Who’s first? Harry Hershfield, I see.

HH: Well, there’s a goofy gag going around. An old man about ninety-two years old. And a fellow sees him. Says, “I haven’t seen you in a year. Where were you?” He says, “I was arrested and I was in jail.” Said, “You were arrested in jail? You?” Says, “Yes. I was in jail.” He said, “What happened?” Said, “I’m standing on the corner and a long comes a beautiful woman. The most beautiful blonde you ever saw, with a policeman, and says, ‘That’s the man! That’s the man! He grabbed me like a cave man and took me in his automobile,’ and she says, ‘He took me and hugged me and kissed me and he took me in the woods and abducted me, and I was there, a prisoner, for three weeks!’” The guy said, “Didn’t you deny it?” Said, “No! It was so flattering I accepted it!”

DJ: What was that? Harry Hershfield doing an old man? Alright Harry.

HH: Personal touch there, Joe, I think.

DJ: The Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter registered a 1000 up there for young or old. Ward Wilson is second.

WW: I was thinking one that came out of the war that I like very much about this poor little refugee in a Nazi-dominated section of Germany and the food was very scarce and this little fellow had gotten a live chicken. He was bringing it home and he got about a block away from where he’d obtained the chicken and one of these big Nazi stormtroopers hit him. He says, “What are you doing there? What have you got in the bag?” He says, “I got in the bag a chicken.” He says, “A live chicken?” He says, “Yeah, it’s a live chicken.” He says, “What do you feed the chicken?” He says, “Well, I give him little bits of grain. Wheat, rye, everything.” He says, “That’s a fine thing. The German nation starving for wheat, rye. You feeding to a chicken.” He really beats him up. But gives it to him good. Knocks him all around the street. Guy gets up. He gets the chicken. Puts it under his arm again. He gets about another block. Another Nazi stormstrooper hits him. Says, “What have you got in the bag?” He says, “I got in the bag a chicken.” He says, “What do you feed the chicken?” He says, “Food it? I give him little crumbs of bread. Waste crumbs of bread.” He says, “That’s a fine thing. The German nation starving for bread. You feeding to a chicken.” Woof! And off he goes again.  Really lathers him up but good. So he picks himself up. He gets dusted off. He gets the chicken now under his arm, gets one block from home, and another stormtrooper hits him. Says, “What have you got in the bag?” He says, “I got in the bag a chicken.” He says, “A live chicken?” He says, “Yeah. Not in good shape but a live chicken.” Says, “What do you feed the chicken?” He says, “What?” Said, “What do you feed the chicken?” He says, “What do I feed him? To tell you the truth, when he gets hungry, I give him a penny. He buys anything he wants.”

DJ: Well, Ward, that chicken must have had a lot of feathers on it because it pickled an awful lot of people. It was a big, round 1000. So, Joe, it kind of puts you in an awkward spot.

JL: Well, I just happen to remember a gag that Mikey Alfred, the great emcee of the Havana Madrid…

HH: MC? Mental case?  

JL: You know him, Harry! You know him!

DJ: I represent that remark, Harry!

WW: He’s the fellow that is waved by a baton, isn’t he?

JL: He’s the master without ceremonies. He’s a great guy. A great fellow. But he told me this story. This fits in here. About the judge and he looks at the down and sees this young fellow in front of him. He says, “Officer, what? Is this the prisoner?” He says, “Yes, sir.” Said, “What is it? Delinquent kid?” He says, “Well, sir…” Says, “What did you arrest him for?” He says, “He stole a petticoat out of a store.” Says, “Young man, did you steal a petticoat out of a store?” Says, “Yes, your honor. That was my first slip.”

DJ: Well, you really…

JL: Yeah, that is what it’s all a…

DJ: You ought to stop.

JL: So he says, he says, “I’m ashamed of you. A young boy. You stole a petticoat out of a store. Think of your mother!” He says, “I did. That’s why I got size forty-five.”

DJ: Alright, Joe. That was another 1000. So our first round was a perfect one. And so we send to Mr. Bankston twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Colgate Dental Cream, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling his story on the air! And now here’s Ron Rossen with an important message.

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DJ: And now, gentlemen, let’s continue our contest of wit and humor. Here’s a joke which was sent in by Miss. Mildred Giello of East Boston, Massachusetts, and the subject in the joke is jealousy. Giello, jealousy. You’ve got it, have you, everybody?  Peter Donald, you all ready?

PD: Jello, is that?

DJ: Jello? No, the subject is jealousy. The name is Giello. G-I-E-L-L-O. I guess it’s pronounced Giello.

PD: It sets alright with me.

DJ: It sets alright with you. Okay.

HH: I think he’s just trying to get another subject.

DJ: See if you can’t make this thing gel someplace along the line, will you, Pete?

PD: Well, this happened over in Brooklyn, and my two girlfriends over there, Sadie DeKalb and Gertrude Gowanis, they got invited to a wedding of one of their friends, at least one of the girls in the group. So it’s a lovely affair, and everything decorated pretty, and the bride is there with the orange blossoms in her arms and the groom has Four Roses on his breath and everything. So all of a sudden the girls watching the bridal procession and Sadie turns to Gertie, and she said, “Oh, Gertrude, here comes the bride.” The other one says, “Yeah, ain’t she gorgeous? Oh, she’s lovely. Look at that dress. Isn’t that pretty? Look at that long train with the two little train-bearers holding onto it.” She says, “Train-bearers? Don’t be dopey. Those are the dressmaker’s kids. They won’t let go until it’s paid-for. What are you talking about? Oh that dame! That Greer MacGillicutty! She puts on such airs! Just because she’s marrying a fellow in the lumber business. A big lumber man. Sells toothpicks t delicatessens. Look at her. Oh, I could give her such a hit.” The other one says, “Listen, I think you’re jealous because you would have liked to have married him yourself. After all, she’s a very, very beautiful girl.” She says, “Yeah? So what, may I presume to enquire, is so beautiful about her?” She says, “Well, Sadie, after all, she’s got a gorgeous mouth, just like a Cupid’s bow.” She says, “Oh, it’s like a Cupid’s bow? Well, let me tell you. It ought to be like a bow. She’s always shooting it off.”

DJ: Well, Peter, you shot off the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter, too, brother, to a big round 1000. Again it’s an automatic twenty-five dollars for Miss Giello, and our three wits will have to try to work to tie it. Joe Laurie Jr first.

JL: A couple of fellows meet and one of the fellows says, “Say, how’s your brother Jimmy, that handsome fellow? You know, that brother of yours, that sheikh?” He said, “Oh. He died” Said, “Oh, Jimmy is dead. Oh, gee. I’m sorry to hear that,” he says, “What did he die of?” He says, “He was in love with a woman.” He says, “Oh, died of a broken heart, hey?” He says, “No. A broken neck. Her husband came home.”

DJ: You like that kind of joke.

JL: There was another guy…

DJ: Yes, there was another guy. But let me give you the scoring, actually, Joe. It was an 850 on the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter.

JL: I’m going to steal petticoats from now on.

DJ: Maybe that was your first slip! Okay. Ready, Harry?

HH: Yeah. I hear a lot of crazy stories, but I don’t think I’ve heard anyone crazier than this one. You know, with the housing shortage, especially in hotels, you got to double up with other people, strangers. And one fellow, he had enough trouble sleeping by himself, to have a strange guy. So these two go up there, and right away, the fellow with him, a goof, goes right to sleep. And how envious he was of this guy. How jealous he was this guy could sleep. If he could only sleep like this guy. But in a few minutes this guy started to snore. One of those snores with a whistle. Goes [imitates snore]. You know, that business. And this fellow says, “Oh, now it’s going to be fine. I’ can’t sleep a minute. Oh.” So this guy is snoring and he remembers that he heard someplace that if you snap your finger it breaks up a snore. So he snaps the finger and the fellow stops snoring. But he doesn’t stop long enough for him to fall asleep himself. Again the guy starts storing with that whistle. Again he snaps, but still not enough time to go to sleep. And that’s the way it went all night. The next morning he says to this goof, this pest who was snoring, said, “How’d you sleep?” He says, “I slept good. But I could have slept better.” He says, “You know you got a bad habit of snapping your fingers?”

DJ: Well, that’s all there is. There is no snore. So I’ll give you the score, Harry. You know, I’ll bet you that… It got a thousand. Actually, I bet it would have gotten two thousand if you could have gotten the whistle in. Sometime tell Ward to whistle for you.

JL: What? And ruin his teeth?

DJ: Whose teeth?

HH: I don’t know of anybody in the front row that wants these teeth.

DJ: Okay. That was a 1000, Harry, so, Ward, it’s up to you again.

WW: I was thinking of one along jealousy lines that I think Senator Ford told quite a while back about the fellow who owned the parrot and had a bunch of ducks, and the parrot was very jealous of the ducks, and every time the parrot would get loose he’d go out and chase the ducks all over the place and peck at them, pull their feathers out. Really gave them a bad time. So the fellow got the parrot and he started to talk to it. He said, “Now, you stop this monkey business with these ducks and leave them alone.” Said, the next time you do any of that foolishness I’m going to pull every feather out of you.” So a couple of days later the parrot got loose again. He goes out and starts chasing the ducks again. The guy catches him, brings him in. He said, “I told you if you, if you chase those ducks once more, I was going to take every feather off you.” So he tore all the feathers off the parrot. So the parrot is feeling pretty conspicuous. And two or three days later, he said, “Now, I’m going to give you a chance to get back in good graces again.” He said, “I’m having a party tonight, and you get up there on that chandelier, and when the people come into the party,” he said, “You say, ‘Ladies to the left, gentlemen to the right.’ That’s all you have to do. But do it right.” So the parrot gets up on the chandelier and the guests start to arrive. He says, “Ladies to the left, gentlemen to the right. Ladies to the left, gentlemen to the right. And just then a couple of bald headed guys came through the door and he looked down at them. He says, “And you two duck-haters come on up here with me.”

DJ: Ward, Ward, you’re in a fowl mood tonight, aren’t you? First the chicken, then the duck. I’m not even going to question it. I guess somebody in there was jealous. I don’t know. But that’s what the topic was. It was a big one thousand on the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter. That completes another round, and so we send Miss Giello twenty-five dollars since Pete got the first 1000, with the compliments of Colgate dental cream, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling her story on the air. And now, before we go into the next round, I’d like to ask all of you folks to compete in this weekly gag fest. All jokes told by Peter Donald have been submitted by our listeners. So send your favorite joke to “Can You Top This?” care of NBC New York, or the station to which you are listening. Now, of course, in cases of similarity, we’ll have to be the sole judges of who is paid, and in every case the decision of the judges is final. Laughs are registered on the big Colgate Palmolive laugh meter in full view of the studio audience. Our three wits have no scripts. They rely on memory and ability to switch jokes to make them fit the subject. So, alright, let’s continue now with the laughs, gentlemen. Our next joke comes from Harold Catchell of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and it’s on the subject of boasting. Bragging. You know. Do you have it? Mr. Donald, take off.

PD: There are two friends. One fellow’s Pat Mulvaney and the other fellow’s Mike O’Houlihan. A couple of Chinese fellows, and they were great friends and one day they’re down having a couple of drinks down at Pierre Murphy’s Salon de Booze down on the corner. Sort of a hangover heaven. And they start bragging about their relatives. So Mike turns to Pat. He says, “You know something, Patrick me boy, me uncle Jimmy is a great inventor. Ah, he’s a great man, so he is.” The other fellow says, “Now, wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. What did he ever invent?” He says, “What did he ever invent? Why, you ignoramus. Don’t you ever read the papers? Me uncle invented the safest airplane in the world. The greatest, safest airplane in the world. It can’t possibly crash.” He says, “Oh, aye, that about it. It can’t crash. He can’t get it off the ground. That’s why. You’re talking about airplanes. You should listen to me little nephew. Me little nephew Dennis. Now, there’s an inventor. The boy invented an airplane, you see, and he flew it up in the sky himself. Now, he’s been flying up there for nine months. Three weeks ago, he ran out of gasoline, and the boy is too proud and stubborn to come down.” He said, “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He’ll have to come down because the law of gravity will make him come down.” “Oh,” he says, “you think so, do you? You think so? The law of gravity will make him come down?” He says, “That’s how smart me nephew is. He went up before the law was passed!”

DJ: Well, Peter, the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter needle just went up to greet him at 1000, tell him everything was okay, he could come down now. So you’re way out in front again, Pete. Our three wits will just have to work again. Ward Wilson is first this time.

WW: Well, that dialect of Pete reminded me of the one about the American who was visiting England for the first time, and he met this Englishman whom he knew and he asked him how he was enjoying things. He said, “Fine. Having a wonderful time.” He said, “Where have you ‘bean?’” He says, “Well, I was down to Lie-chester Square yesterday and looked at…” He said, “What? I beg your pardon?” He said, “I went down to Lie-chester Sq--” He said, “No, no.” He says, “We don’t call it Lie-chester over here, old boy.” He said, “That’s Leicester Square.” Says, “Oh.” He says, “Well, I went down there anyway and then I went down to Char-monda-lee Road and had…” He said, “I beg your pardon?” He says, “I went down to Char-monda-lee Road.” He says, “No, no. Not Char-Monda-lee, old boy. Cholmondeley. Cholmondeley.” Says, “Oh, okay. So I went down there, and” he says, “then I went over to Charing Cross Road, and I was going..” He said, “I beg your pardon.” He said, “I was down on Charing Cross Road…” He said, “Not Charing Cross. Caring Cross.” Says, “Oh.  Well, anyway, I was down there. Say, incidentally, you ever been to United States?” Says, “Oh, yes. Quite. I was over there a few years ago.” He says, “I was most impressed with that big waterfall you have up there in the state of New York. It’s very good. Let me see now. Oh yes. Niagara Falls.” He says, “What was that?” Says, “Niagara Falls.” He says, “Oh no.” He says, “In the United States we call that Niffles.”

DJ: Well it was niffle at all, niffle at all, Ward, because you got a big 1000. Who’s ready to step into this thing now? Harry Hershfield, go ahead.  

HH: There was a goof, and he prided himself that he was the paragon of virtue. So he meets the judge of the town, and this judge s the leading citizen. He says, “Judge, I want to tell you something. I want to tell you what kind of a man I’m growing up to be.” He says, “I was in a theater, and there was a beautiful girl. She was really beautiful. She was a beautiful blonde. That I got to admit. And she was flirting with me, but I turned my head away. I was strong. I wasn’t going to let her tempt me. No.” And he says, “Then she sent an usher over with a note. I should meet her out after the show out in front. But I sneaked out before the show was over because I have character and I wasn’t going to meet her.” The judge says, “You will get your reward in heaven.” So this bothered this goof all night. The next day he comes down to the judge. He said, “What reward do you think I’ll get in heaven?” He says, “A bale of hay, you big jackass!”

DJ: No trouble at all. Another 1000. Of course I’ve got to get you guys back on the right track, though. I don’t know where the boasting is coming in. That’s the only thing.

HH: What do you mean boasting?

DJ: That’s the subject of the round.

HH: Well, what is your definition of boasting?

DJ: Brag. Oh, putting me on the spot. Oh, let it go. I just mean bragging or something. I’ll come back to you, Harry.

WW: When you answer Harry, I have a good one, too.

DJ: Alright. I’ll answer Harry. It’s bragging, Harry. Why?

HH: Well, is the fellow bragging about his ability and strength and character? Wasn’t that bragging? Wasn’t that boasting?

DJ: I guess so. Alright. What’s yours, Ward?

HH: Guess so, he says.

JL: Well, I got… Oh.

DJ: Ward had a question.

WW: Go ahead.

JL: Well, this is about these two women that come to see Mrs. Rabinowitz. And she said, “I’m so happy you come. Oh, I’m so happy you come to visit me.” She says, “I bought so wonderful, such wonderful anti-kees. I bought the most wonderful anti-kees. They’re the greatest thing you ever saw. Look, girls. Go on.” Says, “You’ve never been in the house before. Go on. Look around. Look. See the different things. I’ll go in the kitchen and make sandwiches and coffee.” So the two dames walk around. They says, “Look at that lamp. Look at that lamp. That’s a good anti-kee. That’s a… Look at that chair! Oh! Oh! Yeah, but she’s always boasting. She’s always bragging about it. Look at that table. That’s another good anti-kee. Ah!” Said, “I wonder where she got that huge chest.” She says, “I don’t know, but they say her mother is built the same way.”

DJ: Another perfect round. Another perfect round, boys. A 1000 all the way through. So first...

JL: That’s boasting.

DJ: That’s boasting. Yes. I’m boasting for you. In fact, I’m boasting for Peter Donald, though. He got it first so to Mr. Catchell we send twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling his story on the air. And now here’s Dan Donaldson with the biggest shaving news in history.

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DJ: Alright, gentlemen. All set now for another round?

JL: Set.

DJ: This one is sent…

HH: Ready.

DJ: This one is sent in by Frank and Marie Buccalo of Los Angeles, California, and it’s on the subject of argument. We know how to handle that, don’t we? Go ahead, Pete.

PD: Well, it’s about my favorite couple, Mr. And Mrs. Abercrombie Fafufnik, and they were having a little family squabble, and she turned to him. She said, “Oi, Abe, I hate you to pieces. That’s all. You dirty dog. You snake in the pussy willows. You…” She said, “The way you are treating me when we was first married. Oi. You said such cutie pie words to me. You said I had teeth like pearls. When I met Pearl I knew what you meant. And then you were always making love to me. You used to say that I was honey doll, I had lips like rose petal.” He said, “Yeah, yeah. And recently they’re starting to look like bicycle petals.” She says, “Well, why not? You never remembered the anniversaries or the birthdays or nothing. My neighbor, Mrs. Feiflbaum, for her anniversary, she got a gorgeous radio set. Oi, is that a beautiful set. For seven hundred dollars. For me you bought a radio costs six dollars ninety cents.” He says, “So what on Mrs. Feifelbaum’s radio? She can only get one station at a time. You can get five on yours.” “That’s not it. You just never give me anything nice anymore.” He says, “What are you talking about? On your last birthday, didn’t I save your life?” She says, ‘What is this? You saved my life?” He said, “Now wait a minute. Think a bissel. When I asked you, when I asked you what would you do if I bought you a birthday present, what did you say?” She said, “I said I would drop dead.” He said, “So there. Didn’t I save your life?”

DJ: Well, Peter, the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter said a 1000, so you saved the lives of the Buccalos too. Harry Hershfield was first.

HH: Two drunks in a saloon and they’re getting drunker by the minute, and getting into arguments. And one finally said, “Is that the truth? If you get me mad, I’ll give you a smash in the face, and I’ll send you to the hospital.” Other fellow said, “I’ve had a billion smashes in the face and I’ve been in every hospital in the world.” Fellow says, “You’ve been in every hospital in the world? I’ll make a bet you haven’t been in every hospital in the world.” Said, “It’s a bet.” He says, “You were never in a women’s hospital.” Says, “That’s where I was born!”

DJ: Boy, you boys are cooking tonight. No kidding. That was another 1000 in there, Harry, for you. Little Joe Laurie Jr.

JL: Kid comes up to his mother. He says, “Hey, Mom, what’s that statue in the hall?” She says, “That’s General Grant. That’s a statue of General Grant.” He says, “It’s all busted. Who did it?” Says, “You father brought it home last night from the meeting. Three o’clock in the morning he staggered in.” He says, “Yes, but it’s all busted.” She says, “Your father had an argument with him about keeping his hat on in the house.”

DJ: Seven five oh, Little Joe from Kokomo.

JL: I like those kind. I love them.

DJ: Yeah, I’m glad you do like them.

HH: Slip was the wrong size, I think.

DJ: Yes. Seven five oh. Did you get the count on it, Joe?

DJ: Alright, Joe, it’s up…

JL: Yeah, I got it.

DJ: You got it, heh? Keep it, Joe.

WW: I had another one in mind, Denny, but…

DJ: Go ahead, Ward.

WW: But Harry mentioning that barroom reminds me of what I think was the funniest gag of last year, about the fellow that walks in the barroom and he said, “Give me a couple of shots of whiskey.” So the bartender sets him up and he drinks one of them. He takes the other one and pours it inside of his coat in his vest pocket. So the bartender looks at him and he says, “Give me the same thing again.” So he pours two more drinks and he drinks one and pours the other one inside his coat pocket, and the bartender says, “What are you doing there?” Says, “Mind your own business. Give me two more drinks.” So he sets up two more drinks and he drinks one and he takes the other one. Pours it in his coat again. And the bartender says, “Look. What are you doing?” He says, “Mind your own business.” He said, “Give me a couple of more drinks.” So the same procedure again. He pours the last one in his pocket and the bartender says, “Look, buddy. I want to know. What are you doing with that other drink?” He says, “Wait a minute. Keep your mouth shut, or I’ll come over that bar and bust you right in the snoot.” And with that, a little white mouse stuck his head out from his vest, and he says, “Yeah! And that goes for your cat too!”

DJ: Well, Ward, you did it. Mighty fine up there. That Colgate Palmolive laugh meter read a big, round 1000. But of course you know what happened on this round. Pete started off again in a perfect fashion, got a 1000 for Mr. And Mrs. Buccalo, so we’re going to send Mr. And Mrs. Buccalo of Los Angeles, California twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Palmolive Shave creams, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling their story on the air. Well, we’ve got about thirty seconds in here, fellows. Anything you’ve got to say?

JL: Here’s all I can tell you. There was a circus is in town, and you know that cotton candy they got there? Well, this year it’s mostly rayon.

HH: You know, the old circus stories I like is about the circus. You know, they say an elephant never forgets. And once a guy did him a great favor. So when the elephant came out in Madison Square Garden, he recognized the guy, and the elephant walked over there, took him out of the twenty-five cent seats and put him in a five dollar box.

WW: That’s the same elephant that I told a gag about last year, Harry. He got very thirsty walking down the stream, and a nice cool, clear stream, and he finally decided he was going to get a drink the way he wanted it, so he stuck his long trunk into the stream, and he was just beginning to get a lot of water to quench his thirst and an alligator opened his mouth and snapped down on his trunk, and the elephant pulled back this way. He says, “Very funny. Very funny.”

DJ: Well, boys, as far as I’m concerned, the whole session tonight was very funny, very funny. It’s time for us to go. No kidding, fellows. So friends, we’re going to talk to you for a second. Join “Can You Top This?” originated by Senator Ford next week. Same time, same gang, other jokes, some new, some old. Until then, we remain yours for bigger and better laughs:

WW: Ward Wilson for Senator Ford.

HH: Harry Hershfield.

JL: Joe Laurie Jr

PD: Peter Donald

DJ: Dennis James

DD: And Dan Donaldson  saying goodnight for the Colgate-Palmolive Peet company, makers of Colgate Dental cream, to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and Palmolive shave cream, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave.

[music]

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ANC: This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.