CAN YOU TOP THIS?

20 MAY 1941

WOR NEW YORK

MUTUAL BROADCASTING SYSTEM

1941, when Vanti Pa-Pi-A changed name to Par. Next broadcast after 13 May when sponsorship began. Nearly June, when the Click magazine article is dated. Second broadcast sponsored by Par.

Emcee: Roger Bower

Joke teller: Peter Donald

Panel: Senator Ford, Harry Hershfield, Joe Laurie Jr.

(Irish wit, old maids, weather, fishing, telephones)

ROGER BOWER: “Can You Top This?” Why does a chicken cross the road? That was no chicken, that was my wife! Can you top that, Harry Hershfield?

HARRY HERSHFIELD: Try.

RB: Can you, Senator Ford?

SENATOR FORD: I might.

RB: Can you, Loe Jaurie Jr-- Joe Laurie Jr?

JOE LAURIE JR: Joe Laurie Jr it is, Roger.

GEORGE PUTNAM: Par! P-A-R! The deliciously different new soft drink formally called Vanti Pa-Pi-A brings you “Can You Top This?” with Senator Ford, Harry Hershfield, Joe Laurie Jr, and, as your master of ceremonies, the distinguished radio personality and eminent director, Roger Bower.

RB: Good evening. “Can You Top This?” is entirely unrehearsed and absolutely spontaneous. Here’s the way it works. Here on the Playhouse Stage we have a laugh meter that measures the laugh volume of our guest audience. You send in a joke, old or new, on any subject and your representative, Peter Donald, well-known radio actor and storyteller, tells your story. You get two dollars if your joke is used, no matter what happens, but you also start out with an additional five dollar credit. Our trio of wits will tell jokes on the same subject and try to top the laugh meter score which your joke received. If only one gets a louder laugh, you get three dollars. If two of our joke dispensers top your joke, you get two dollars, and if all three top it, you get a joke book, plus, of course, the original two dollars for use of your joke. In fairness to all, the decision of the judges is final. Remember our three gag masters do not know what jokes are going to be told until Peter Donald tells them, and now let’s get underway. Ready, gentlemen?

JL and HH: Ready.

SF: Ready.

RB: You all look very well tonight. All look very well, although I must say, you don’t quite come up to those pictures of you I saw in Click magazine this month.

JL: Oh, you saw those?

RB: Yes.

JL: Oh you got a dime finally, eh, to buy it?

SF: No, wait a minute. No. You get Click and a bottle of Par for fifteen cents.

RB: Oh, that’s right.

SF: I thought I’d get in a commercial.

RB: That’s funded. Well, let’s get down to the first subject of the evening, which is Irish wit. It comes from H. F. Haley of Beacon, New York. Peter Donald, please.

PETER DONALD: Pat got on a streetcar one day, and he had to stand up in front of a man who had his dog on the seat beside him. So Pat got a little peeved at this. He called the conductor and demanded the dog’s seat, and, of course, the conductor gave it to him. So the owner of the dog was mad at him, but Pat wanted to show no ill will, so he sat there. He said, “It’s a beautiful day, is it not?” So the man said nothing. He was still sore. So Pat tried again. He says, “That’s a nice dog you have there, mister.” He says, “Might I ask what breed he is?” The fellow says, “Yeah. He’s half Irish and half monkey.” So Pat says, “Well! He’s related to the both of us!”

RB: The par for that story on our laugh meter was 62. 62 on the laugh meter. The subject Irish wit. Can you top 62, gentlemen? I see the first hand up is from that pint-sized author-comedian and perhaps soon-to-be Shakespearean actor, Joe Laurie Jr. No fooling. Maurice Evans called him today and asked him for a part.

SF: He’s going to be the skull in Yorick.

JL: When the skull was a kid.

HH: Alas, poor yokel. I knew him well.

JL: Alright. This is Irish wit?

RB: Irish wit, yes.

JL: Well, I know the one about the Irishma…Well, a fellow… A gravedigger in a graveyard was digging a grave and the ground is very, very soft, so instead of six foot, before he knew it, he was down fifteen feet and he couldn’t get out, and he yelled, “Let me out of here! Let me out of here!” Well, a few hours later, a little Irishman passed and he heard this voice say, “Let me out of here! Let me out of here! I’m cold! Let me out of here!” So the little Irishman looked down. He says, “No wonder you’re cold. You have no dirt on you.”

RB: Very, very good, Joe. That was 79 on the laugh meter. Topped Mr. Haley’s 62. Leaves him with three dollars of original five, on the other hand. I see the hand of that well-known after-dinner speaker, cartoonist, and columnist Harry Hershfield’s up next.

HH: Clancy was calling on Murphy, and Murphy looked kind of calm. He says, “You don’t look very fighty.” Says, “No,” he says, “I got to thinking what’s wrong with the world.” He says, “People ought to get together more.” He says, “I was thinking of building the biggest house of worship in the world where all the creeds would be in one house of worship. There’d be a room for this creed, and another room for that creed a different shape. But the biggest room,” he said,”would be a tremendous room, would be right in the center.” He said, “What’s that for?” He said, “Bingo!”

RB: Well, Harry. Harry, you bingoed the meter for 102. That topped Mr. Haley, and leaves him with two dollars of original five, and leaves us with the current topic humorist and also after-dinner speaker, that cheery-countenanced fellow, Senator Ed Ford, if he has a hand.

SF: Yeah, I have a hand, Roger, but I have two gags and I’m suffering from indecision. You mind if I toss a coin? Just a minute. Find out. Heads won. So I’ll tell that one.

JL: There’s two heads on the coin.

SF: Two Irishmen were about to fight a duel with pistols. One fellow with a duel personality was very thin. The other fellow was very fat. So the fat fellow took a look at his skinny adversary, and he said, “Just a minute.” He said, “This is unfair. I’m twice as big a target as he is, so I think I ought to be allowed to stand twice as far from him as he is from me.” So one of the fat fellow’s seconds said, “I’ll fix the whole thing.” So he took a white piece of chalk out of his pocket and marked two lines down the front of the fat fellow’s coat about a foot apart. And he said, “There you are. Go ahead and shoot. But remember this, shrimp.” He said, “Any hits outside of them chalk lines don’t count.”

RB: Well, Senator, you hit the laugh meter for 100, and all three of you wits have topped Mr. Haley, and so we send him a joke book, plus two dollars for sending it in. The joke book and two dollars. Let’s have a hand.

GP: Well, our famous friends didn’t have much trouble topping par for laughs on that one. But there’s one kind of par it’s really hard to top. That’s the Par that used to be called Vanti Pa-Pi-A. It’s the sparkling new soft drink with a new, different taste -- a taste so deliciously different you just can’t compare it with any other soft drink. Par brings you the very flavor of Southern seas, the extra refreshment that people want in those warm and sunny lands bordering the Caribbean, for Par is made with papaya melons, those delicious golden melons that grow on trees. It combines their fruit and juices with other appetizing flavors to give you a brand new taste. You’ll find the taste of Par extra refreshing, just as thousands and thousands of other New Yorkers have, and you’ll discover too that Par makes a particularly big hit with children.

RB: Well told, George Putnam. And now let’s go on to our next subject, which is one that I trust none of you gentlemen is familiar with deeply: old maids. And it comes from Sergeant John N. Persinger of Fort Hamilton, New York. Peter Donald, please.

PD: The nervous old maid walking up and down in front of a recruiting office. She was looking at the sign outside the office there, and finally she mustered up all her courage and she went into the recruiting office and approached the sergeant at the desk and she said, “Excuse me,” she says, “Is it true what the sign says? ‘The Army builds men?’” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Well, how much would you charge to build one for me?”

RB: The bad news on that, gentlemen, is that par for that story is 100 on the laugh meter. Subject is old maids. Harry Hershfield seems to be the most familiar with old maids. His hand was up first.

HH: I’ll preface it first with a description of an old maid. That’s a woman who doesn’t make the same mistake once. But here’s the gag.There was a very eccentric rich old uncle, and he told his nieces that they had to remain old maids, or they wouldn’t get the money. So it went on for years. They obeyed, but one day one told the other sister that somehow or other in a dizzy moment she kissed a man and she ought to go ahead and confess and maybe get forgiveness from her uncle. So she went over, told her uncle about it, how a man had kissed her and she kissed him back. He said, “Was it that bounder Smith?” She says, “I can’t tell you.” Says, “Was it that fellow Gordon?” She says, “I can’t tell you.” “Was it that fellow Brown?” Says, “I can’t tell you.” Says, “Then I can’t forgive you.” So she went home. Her sister said, “Did he forgive you?” Says, “No. But he gave me three swell leads.”

RB: Well, you’ve got a swell lady on that by way of a lead, but it did not top Sergeant Persinger’s 100, so he still retains his five dollars. I believe Joe Laurie’s hand was up second.

JL: Harry prefacing his remark, I have a little preface to mine too. About the old maid… There was an old maid so long that she used a trailer for a hope chest. But that isn’t the gag.

RB: Fortunately.

JL: And I won’t toss a coin for this one either. No, an old maid called up Morgenthau the treasurer, the Secretary of the Treasury, and she says, “Mr. Morgenthau, would it help the government any if all the old maids paid a dollar for every time they kissed a man?” And he says, “Yes, I think it would.” She says, “Alright. Send me over a man and I’ll balance the budget.”

RB: That was 110 on the laugh meter. Definitely topped Sergeant Persinger, leaves him with three dollars of his original five. Senator Ford, please.

SF: Yeah. Two quarterwits were standing on a corner talking about the changes in a certain town, and the conversation sounded something like this. “Have you seen the new stockyards?” “No, but I know they’re here. I got wind of them this morning.” “Have you seen the new courthouse?” “Yeah. Saw it from the inside too this morning.” He said, “Have you seen the old maid’s home?” Says, “Well, about two weeks ago, I saw two of them home, and they both sued me for breach of promise!” “Oh, then you had two suits?” “No, I had a pair of breaches.”

RB: Senator, that was a very frail 28.

JL: The coin come out the wrong side.

RB: Even your mug didn’t get over 40.

SF: What do you mean my mug?

JL: He never could get over 40 on his mug.

RB: Only one of you gentlemen have topped Sergeant Persinger, and so we send him three dollars and bounce right along to the next subject, which is… oh, three dollars plus the two dollars he gets for sending in the story. A total of five dollars.

JL: A sergeant gets very little as it is, you know. You may as well give him the whole five.

RB: That’s right. It’s a good time, though. Eats well. Sleeps well. The next subject is weather. Comes from P. N. Anstey of New York. Peter Donald please.

PD: It was one of those very balmy spring days with a light rain falling. Two Irishmen were walking out in it, and Casey said to Clancy, says, “You know,” he says, “Pat,” he says, “this is a great day. It’s a beautiful day.” He says, “You know, this is the kind of weather that makes all the things come out of the ground.” Clancy says, “I hope not. I have three wives down there.”

RB: Par for that story was 68 on the laugh meter. The subject is weather. 68 on the laugh meter. Can you top 68? And, Joe, none of that Shakespearean stuff -- whether to be or not to be, you know.

JL: No, I won’t do that.

RB: Don’t do that, no.

JL Till I get into Macbeth.

RB: That’s right. Macbeth. Well, I believe Senator Ford’s hand was up first.

SF: Well, two fellows were travelling together and making a trip across the country and they hit some cold weather. And one night, one of the boys woke up and said to the other fellow, “Say, it’s awfully cold in here.” Said, “My feet are like ice.” And the other other fellow said, “Why don’t you try using a hot water bottle?” And the other fellow said, “I did but I can’t get my feet into the neck of the bottle.”

RB: That, Senator, was a fascinating 50. It did not top Mr. Antsey’s 68. Still retains his five dollars, and I believe Harry Hershfield put his hand up second.

HH: Fellow was trying to get through the gates of heaven, and the attendant said to him, “What qualifies you to get through the pearly gates?? Fellow says, “Well, I’m named Bill Smith. I’m the great hero of the greatest flood the world’s ever known, the Johnstown flood.” So from the gates there was a raspberry. A Bronx raspberry. So he says, “Yes I am! The big hero of the Johnstown flood!” Again a raspberry from inside. Says, “Who’s giving me that raspberry?” The attendant said, “That happens to be Noah.”

RB: That was a… You n… Harry, you… You needn’t be ashamed of that. That was a good round. Snappy 59. Even if it…

JL: No beery, no worky. I know that one.

RB: Even if it didn’t top Mr. Anstey’s 68, even if we did have to stretch our imaginations to get it into “weather.” He still…

HH: Wait a minute. What do you mean weather? Forty nights of rain and forty night. Oh, that’s weather, brother.

RB: Oh, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. He still retains his five dollars, though. And we have Joe Laurie Jr.

JL: Ten to one here he gets five more. Now, two men met, and one fellow says, “I hear you were in California for your vacation, Bill?” He says, “Yes.” He says, “How was the weather out there?” He says, “Oh, terrible.” He says, “Awful. It rained for about thirty days. Rain,” he says, “Oh, the flooded the streets and got in the cellar.” He says, “Well, I’ll tell you how bad it was in our house. Down in the cellar, instead of mice we had salmon.”

RB: Joe, you tied Mr. Anstey. You got 68, but you didn’t top him.

SF: Say, Laurie reminded me of one. Is it alright to do it now?

RB: No, why don’t you save it till shortly after nine o’clock, Ed? I’m sure we…

JL: Next week won’t hurt you, either.

RB: Glad to hear it. None of you wits have topped Mr. Anstey and so we send him five dollars plus his original two for sending the story in. Well, it’s time to total up results for the first half of our show, so while Gib counts them up, I’d like to tell you about some, well, unexpected experiences we’ve had since our first sponsored broadcast last week. You see, we’re modest guys. We thought that, we’ll, we’d be putting Par on the map as a soft drink. That is, after the first few weeks. That’s what we thought. But my wife took the wind out of my sails the very next day. She says, that, “My goodness. Her grocer knew all about Par already, and he said he’s been selling lots of it since it first came out as Vanti Pa-Pi-A -- selling it and drinking it too. Thought it was extra refreshing.” And then Senator Ford’s wife told him off too. They live out in Long Island there. She told the senator that her grocer said Par is so popular out his way, it out to be making our program more popular. Well, thanks, Par. And I thought we were supposed to be selling you. But confidentially, Mrs. Ford’s grocer told her about what a swell mixer Par is. Well, I could have told him about that. And I could have told him too that Par contains natural vitamin A and a natural digestive aid.

JL: My wife told Mrs. Ford.

RB: Didn’t your wife tell anybody, Harry?

HH: Well, the samples were good. I tell you we bought the stuff, it was so good!

RB: Well, I see Gib has finished the figures and I find that we’re… we’ve sent out one joke book and fourteen dollars in cash has been paid out to our listening contestants. And now here we go into the second half of “Can You Top This?” with Joe Laurie Jr, Harry Hershfield, and Senator Ford, and their very first subject is fishing. Fishing comes from Louis Wolf of Clifton, New Jersey. Peter Donald please.

PD: Two brothers went fishing off a pier every single day, and one fished at the North end of the pier, and the other at the South end. Well, the brother who fished at the North end always came home at the end of the day with baskets full of fish, but the other brother who stayed in the South end -- he never caught a single fish at all. So one day the lucky one got ill, and the unlucky brother thought, “Well, now, here’s where I get a good chance.” He says, “I’ll take his spot at the other end of the pier, and boy, will I come home with fish.” So he goes down to the other end of the pier and he sat there for hours and hours. Not a nip. Sits there hours more. Doesn’t get a single bite. All of a sudden he heard a splash and a fish stuck his head out of the water and said, “Hey, doc. Where’s your brother?”

RB: Par for that story is 50 on the laugh meter. The subject is fishing. Can you top 50, gentlemen? Joe Laurie’s hand was up first.

JL: Well, Abraham Lincoln Epstein -- they called him Abe for short -- met a friend of his. And this friend says, “Listen, Abe. I know you’re a great fisherman,” he says,”And I’m going out on a vacation and I’d like to fish.” He says, “Tell me something. Where do you get the fish?” He says, “Well, of course,” he says, “if I want a good cod,” he says, “I go to Cape Cod. If I want a tuna,” he says, “I go down to Florida. If I want a salmon, I go to Alaska.” He says, “For a good hunk of herring, though, I go to the Bronx.”

RB: 70 on the laugh meter. That did it, Joe. Topped Mr. Wolf’s 50 and leaves him with three dollars. Senator Ford’s hand was up next.

SF: And if he wanted a traffic carp he could go to the corner of 42^nd Street.

RB: Alright, the green light is on. Go ahead.

SF: A man was sitting in his trophy room talking to a friend and he said, “You know, I had a great experience last fall. I went out hunting and I walked around for four or five hours and I didn’t even see a bird. So I came to a wide-spreading tree and I sat down, and pretty soon I was in the arms of Morpheus. I wasn’t asleep more than about an hour when I was awakened by a noise, and, looking up over my head, I saw forty little blackbirds perched on the limb of this tree. So I took my trusty rifle, but I didn’t aim at the birds. I aimed at the limb of the tree. The bullet opened an opening in the branch, the feet of the forty little blackbirds fell into the opening, the bullet passed out the other end, imprisoning the feet of the forty birds in the limb. I climbed up, sawed off the branch, and took the forty little blackbirds home alone - alive.” So the.. excuse me. So the other fellow says, “I had an experience similar to that too.” He said, “Last fall I went out and I walked around for four or five days. I didn’t see anything. So pretty soon I came to a wide-spreading tree and I sat down and pretty soon I was in the arms of morphine. Well, I hadn’t been asleep, I hadn’t been asleep more than about an hour when I heard a noise. And I woke up and there over on my left were a hundred and fifty ducks. I grabbed my rusty trifle. I was just about to blaze away at the ducks when I saw over on my right a hundred and fifty partridges. I didn’t want the ducks. I wanted to get those partridges. I was just about to blaze away at the partridges when right up ahead of me came a great big deer. Didn’t want a duck. Didn’t want the partridges. Wanted to get that deer. Just about to blaze away at the deer, when right up at my feet jumped a great big rattlesnake. I got so scared I pulled both triggers of the gun, and the gun busted. The left-hand barrel flew over and killed a hundred and fifty ducks. The right hand barrel flew over and killed a hundred and fifty partridges. The bullets went straight ahead and killed the deer. The ramrod went down the snake’s throat and choked him to death. The butt of the gun knocked me back into a pond of water, and I came up with my boots full of fish.”

RB: That, Senator, was not only good, but it was wonderful. That was 130. 130 on the laugh meter definitely topped Mr. Wolf’s 50 and leaves him with two dollars. Well, Harry?

HH: Well, as a good poker player, I ought to pass. But I did hear of one about a fellow went clam fishing and he said that he ate so many clams that his stomach goes up and down with the tide. But I have let it pass because the best I could get is just a tiny one and I’d let the honors go on this one really to Ford.

SF: Thank you.

JL: And I bet you he don’t remember a phone number.

RB: That’s right. I bet he couldn’t.

SF: Depends on who’s the dame.

RB: Well, two of you wits have topped Mr. Wolf, and so we send him two dollars and also two dollars for sending in, a total of four dollars, and pass on to the next subject, which is telephones, sent in by Emma L. Bouchard of Lewiston, Maine. Peter Donald, please.

PD: The owner of a new small but pretty good haberdashery shop opened the door to admit his first customer on the opening day, and he thought he’d make an impression on this first prospect, so as soon as the man was in, the proprietor excused himself and went over to the telephone and dialed and went on like this. He says, “Hello,” he says, “hello, Mr. P. J. Morganbilt?” He says, “Listen, P. J.,” he says, “This is Brentwood Cohen’s Deluxe Shop for Men here.” He says, “You know about that shirts and neckties and pyjamas you ordered, Mr. Morganbilt?” He says, “Very good. I will fill your order for ten dozen each right away. Alright, P. J. Goodbye” And he hangs up the phone. So he turns to the man. He says, “And now, what can I do for you?” Man said, “I’m from the telephone company. I’m here to connect your phone.”

RB: That was a whiz-bang of a 45, par for that story.

HH: Whiz-bang!

RB: 45. Subject is telephones. All three hands up. Very fast that time. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. I’ll take little Joe first.

JL: Well, before I start I want to tell you I did hear about the phone company going to make a special sale this summer. You can get two wrong numbers for the same nickel. But one fellow was visiting another fellow in his office, and this fellow, to be busy, picked up the phone. He says, “I’m calling up Florida.” Fifteen minutes later he called up California. Fifteen minutes later he called up Texas. Then he called up Vermont. The other fellow says, “Hey, why don’t you take the receiver off the hook?” He says, “Oh, it costs money that way!”

RB: 59, Joe. Topped Miss Bouchard and leaves her with three dollars of original five. Harry Hershfield’s hand’s up next.

HH: I was very much interested in Pete Donald’s dialect. He reminded me of the time Pinchas was awakened in the middle of the night by a phone call, and the fellow at the other end said, “Is this J. Branwell Creighton?” And this fellow says, “Oi, have you got the wrong number?” Alright. That’s…

RB: You’re going to enter that one, are you?

HH: I got another one, but I’ll enter that one.

RB: Well, you did very well, Harry, with that. That was 90 on the laugh meter. It doubled Miss Boucher’s 45. It definitely topped her, and leaves her with two dollars out of that original credit of five dollars, and leaves us with Senator Ford.

SF: Malcolm Screebles came home from his office and his wife said to him, “You know, we’re in a fine fix. Do you know,” she said, “that I had to cook our own dinner tonight? The cook left this afternoon because she said that you used abusive language to her over the telephone.” So Malcolm said, “Oh, I’m sorry about that.” He said, “If I’d known I was talking to the maid, I -- or the cook I wouldn’t have used any profanity. I thought I was talking to you.”

RB: Well…

SF: Maybe I didn’t tell that so well.

RB: Well, Senator, you told it well enough to top Miss Bouchard. She had forty…

JL: Or maybe she came up with a boot full of fish.

RB: Miss Bouchard? Well, Senator got… You can well hang your head in shame for that one, Joe.

JL: You know, I was thinking of my part in Macbeth.

RB: I see. You haven’t got it yet, I hope, or Mr. Evans isn’t listening tonight, on that last one. That was 49 you got there, Senator. It definitely topped Miss Bouchard’s 45. All three of you wits have topped Miss Bouchard, and so we send her a joke book, plus two dollars for sending it in. By the way, have any of you fellows a story you can tell? We’re a little short here tonight. Harry Hershfield’s hand was up. You’ll be thinking about it, Harry, because the next story comes from George Putnam.

GP: And the subject of my story is thirst. Next time you’re thirsty, try an ice-cold bottle of Par. You have to taste this sparking new soft drink to know why so many people are drinking it. You have to taste Par to appreciate its new flavor, the fruit and juices of golden papaya melons combined with other delightful flavors. No wonder the New York bottler of Par, one of the largest in this metropolitan area, is working two shifts with more than double capacity to supply dealers. If your dealer cannot supply you promptly, just send his name and address on a postcard to Par, P A R, care of station WOR, and he will get special service. Tomorrow, when you’re shopping, pick up a handy six-bottle carrier of Par. Par costs the same per bottle as other soft drinks, and Par is extra refreshing.

RB: Thank you, George Putnam. And now, Harry Hershfield, let’s have that story of yours.

HH: Pinchas rushed into a restaurant and he ordered a steak, but he didn’t eat anything till the steak came. Soon as the steak came, he cut off a part of the steak, and he gave it to the waiter and said, “Would you mind eating it for me?” So the waiter ate it. Says, “But what’s the idea? Why’d you make me eat it?” He says, “Well, I’ll tell you. I had a fight with my partner, and he says, ‘When you get in the restaurant, you sit down to eat, I hope you choke on the first bite!’”

RB: That’s very good, Harry. Incidentally, would you like to know the score on that one?

HH: Yup. Just as a matter of…

RB: Just as a matter of information.

JL: For the record.

RB: 82.

HH: That’s not bad.

RB: Not bad? I could …

JL: Switch it for the other ones you told before.

RB: You did very well in that. You don’t have to apologize for them. Well, now, here’s the score for the evening. In the final half, we paid out ten dollars -- or rather that’s six dollars, isn’t it, Gib? Six dollars and one joke book, the grand total being twenty dollars and two joke books, thus ending another session of “Can You Top This?”Next week, same time, same gang, more jokes. And, say, George, tell our listeners how they can join the party, will you?

GP: Right you are, Roger. Just send in a joke -- any joke you’ve heard or read -- to “Can You Top This?” in care of WOR New York. You may win as much as seven dollars if your joke as told by your representative Peter Donald gets a bigger laugh on our laugh meter than the competing jokes on the same subject told by our trio of humorists. In cases of duplication, the first one received has the preference, and please don’t mind if we edit your joke.

RB: And now, until next Tuesday evening at eight thirty Eastern daylight saving time, we remain yours for bigger and better laughs:

SF: Senator Ford.

JL: Joe Laurie Jr.

HH: Harry Hershfield.

PD: Peter Donald.

RB: And Roger Bower.

GP: Par is bottled in metropolitan New York by John Morgan, in Western Connecticut by the Mascola Bottling Company, Waterbury, in the Hudson River Valley, by the Sweeney Bottling Company, Middletown. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.